he thought i was a dude.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
