you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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