we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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