Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Someone came in the potted fern
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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