She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
