Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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