I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
