barbara walters just said penis...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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