oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
