i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
