Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
