so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
