Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
