I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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