I just cut my nipple shaving
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
