Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
