next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
