i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
