She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize