he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
