Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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