The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
