Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
