I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
