Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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