We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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