Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
