Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
