Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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