im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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