I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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