It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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