bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
