My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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