she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
