so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize