hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
