i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
