sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
