i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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