where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She announced her abortion via fbk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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