I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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