he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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