I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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