well you can't waste a boner
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my liver is dry heaving
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
