soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
