I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
