so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
