3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
