There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
