Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
