the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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