you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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