So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
