Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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