Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He has the fingertips of a God
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