I wanna passion pit in your ass
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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