I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
