I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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