I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
