"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
