There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
