Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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