I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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