Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
