47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
