Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize