You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
