some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
