Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
