Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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