got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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