My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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